Profunditry

Fun In Non-Profit

So I was just telling txrad this amazing story about the Eric Clapton song were's listening to right now. It was recorded around 1968 and it stoked a big-ass memory of me visiting my Grandmother in Dallas for the first time.

She managed an apartment complex and had a secretary, a sort of hippie-ish gal.

We went out one day, to the World's Fair in San Antonio or maybe some lamer-ass shit in Dallas. (10th Avenue Freeze-Out!) But I spent $5 on a fake plastic pot of fake plastic sunflowers which would dance to music. I shit you not.

And upon returning to the apartment complex, I was hanging out in the financial office where the hippie chick sat, and she said, "hey boy, I want to buy those."

I said, "they're not for sale."

She asked me what I paid for them and I told her, and that dumb black-haired hippie offered me double.

I said "no."

I told her I'd sell them to her, since by this time I was already bored with them, and wanted my $5 back, for $5.

I wanted her to learn a lesson. The not-for-profit motive resonates way beyond the body and soul. Rock on, hippie chicks!

Eric Clapton started it.

Question of the Day

What genre of music can you just not listen to?

I can't think of one personally although some of that late 50s and early 60s shit takes a toll on my nerves.

I was just discussing with txrad about a radio station in Little Rock back around 1980 which was known as KQ94 and they played a lot of new stuff, like Dire Straits, Joe Jackson, and the like. He doesn't like that. Nor does he like Steely Dan. So I said I was going to post a song of theirs I really like, just to see if he could tolerate it, or be appalled by it. He can comment with his verdict.

I think he doesn't like any kind of rock/jazz fusion. But...come on for the Mystery Tour.

UPDATED 11/12: This is the YouTube clip I meant to post. Same song but someone put it to interesting video...

Stupak is as Stupak Does

I was under the impression that abortion, both therapeutic, and elective, is legal in the United States. As a recognized medical procedure that is legal why would a publicly funded health plan not, by law, have to pay for it? Right to lifer’s and pro choicer’s opinions aside, the Stupak amendment is probably unconstitutional, aside from being an obvious pander to the radical right to get the health care bill passed.

I wonder, by the way, if those opposed to public funding for a legal operation are prepared to drop their current health care providers if they already pay for abortion procedures? Although some specific plans may exclude abortion, every insurance company does provide coverage for abortions. Therefore, whether your specific plan covers abortions or not, the company you currently are insured with does pay for people to have abortions. That means your premiums help pay for abortions already. If I was strongly against abortions, I would cancel my insurance immediately. That would send a message to health insurance companies. If one thing will get their attention it is the threat of losing some money.

If the Stupak amended health care bill were to remain unchanged, and be passed by the Senate, the public option will actually be the only insurance available that does not pay for any abortions, under any circumstances. I would imagine the hard core right to lifer’s would be opting out of their current plans and lining up for the new public option. That would be odd, as many on the right who are also right to lifer’s are actually opposed to any public insurance plan. I suppose those folks, after canceling their current abortion providing health care providers, and being committed against public insurance will become the new uninsured. Talk about ironic.

Three

That's the number of top Obama advisors who favor sending more troops to Afghanistan, including Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton. I am just...numb.

Three of the options call for specific levels of additional troops. The low-end option would add 20,000 to 25,000 troops, a middle option calls for about 30,000, and another embraces Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal’s request for roughly 40,000 more troops. Administration officials said that a fourth option was added only in the past few days. They declined to identify any troop level attached to it.

Perhaps that fourth option should have a troop reduction level attached to it.

File under "Change you can['t] believe in."

Yes, I'd like a beer. Thank you very much. Could I possibly have it in a tall glass? I like a little head occasionally.

Did she say epizote in the end?

3

I've only smoked 3 cigarettes since 8:30 this morning, and I went over 5 hours today without one at all. If I can do that much, I can do much more. I can break this fucking habit. It doesn't have to control me.

49.5+

I used to not mind getting older. I remember turning 20 and feeling like a new era had begun because I was no longer a teen, although I enjoyed being a teen. It was as if I had shed some skin.

Turning 30 was another milestone but it didn't impact me negatively at all. I didn't look 30, not did I feel 30. What's to complain about when I still occasionally got carded for buying beer?

Then came 40. That one hit me pretty hard after a decade of still feeling 20-something-ish. It was like going from 29 to 40 overnight. And throughout this decade of 40s, another big number was always on my mind.

October 22 is always a dreaded day because it marks the halfway point between birthdays and on that day this year I became 49.5 which rounds up to 50. I'm not rounding up yet, but when January rolls around, I'll be telling myself I'm 50 even though the official date will still be over four months away.

As I reflect back on nearly a half-century of living I'm astonished at how quickly segments of it passed, as well as how warped some of it seems in retrospect. I often hear about how quickly time passes as you get older, and it does seem that way.

As a child going into my teen years, all I wanted was to be 18 and graduate from high school and begin a life. From 14 to 18 seemed like a lifetime of waiting, studying, and simply trying to pass each class. Four years now certainly doesn't seem like four years then, but of course it's exactly the same.

I remember the thrill of finally going to my first R-rated film. Hearing an actor spew the F-word seemed so naughty and adult. In college I remember my first trip from Fayetteville, Arkansas over to the Oklahoma state line -- a trip of roughly 30 minutes -- to purchase beer. Arkansas' drinking age was 21 while in Oklahoma it was 18.

My years in my 20s were certainly busy. And in theory that would tend to make the years pass in a blur but that was not the case at all. I bounced around from college to college within the University of Arkansas system, from Fayetteville to Little Rock, back to Fayetteville, back to Little Rock, and one semester in Monticello, about 30 miles from my hometown after a botched start to a semester at the University of Denver.

I was clueless about what to do with my life, what I wanted to be when I grew up, and what to study. And I was grappling with being gay and closeted.

In December of 1982 my dad died at a hospital in Little Rock while I happened to be enrolled in college there. I really felt that I was too young to be dealing with the death of a parent at 22. So I put blinders on and tried to get on with my life.

I suppose I really needed to get away on some level emotionally. It was early in 1983 when I signed up for a work abroad program through the university which allowed me to live and work legally in another country for six months. After much deliberation I decided on London. After all, I'd already been there several times using grant money and loans which were supposed to be used for educational purposes.

In the summer of 1983 I left for England, found myself a small but very nice flat in an ideal area of London, and within a couple of weeks had secured a job at the HMV Shop's flagship store. Granted, had I been more mature, it might have made more sense to find something that would give me better pay, a salary on which I might have a chance of making ends meet as well as gaining experience in the business world. But I was a lover of music, an avid collector of LPs, and the HMV was my ideal, especially since I had shopped there on previous visits.

During that six months of working, I became very comfortable with that new and exciting life, far from the rigors of studying for some degree -- any degree, really -- in Arkansas. My co-workers were wonderful and the comfort level around them enabled me to easily come out of the closet which felt so liberating!

I didn't want this experience to end so I began researching ways to extend my stay. Short of getting married (to a British woman), there really wasn't much hope. I was allowed to apply for an extension though, knowing it would ultimately be rejected. It was only a question of how long it would take for someone in the government immigration office to deal with my request. In an era when Commodore computers with 5-inch floppy disks were all the rage, it could have been quite a while.

After a year there, I made a choice to fly back to Arkansas to visit my mother for two weeks. That was a decision which ultimately would seal my fate. Upon reentry into England, the immigration authorities at the airport suspected something after noticing I had been in England far longer than the six-month stamp in my passport. And the fact that I was returning raised all sorts of red flags. I spent the bulk of that exhausting day in a detention center being interrogated.

Ultimately, I was allowed to enter, but with a 3-month stamp and a "no work allowed" status. I gave notice at work, and continued to work those last two weeks while I made plans regarding what to do next. I was there for a total of 14 months. It seemed like a lifetime. I felt British and I felt at home there, and yet I was being cast away.

After a failed attempt at establishing myself in Los Angeles, I returned to Arkansas completely broke and in debt. I enrolled in college again in Little Rock and this time I managed to finish and got a degree in January, 1988, more than nine years after I embarked on that education.

What a life I had lived already. I did more between 17 and 28 than most people could conceive of doing. I had gone from a life on the farm to getting a bachelor's degree and was the first person in my family to do so. And in between I had traveled to Israel and Jordan, multiple trips to England, a summer of studying French on the southern coast of France, with weekend trips to Italy, Spain, and Portugal. I had visited pen pals in Germany & Holland in addition to a trek into Scandinavia to spend a week with a friend in Finland. I had gone skiing in Switzerland.

Not only had I come out of the closet in England, I was starting to work on it in the US. While finishing up the degree in Little Rock, I began meeting people at various jobs I held. I was lured out to clubs where I'd meet more people, and I would be introduced to a gay club and, naturally, a few relationships would happen. None of them amounted to anything, just a fling for a few weeks before the situation dissolved away.

But 1988 was a big year for me. When I look back on that year I'm honestly astonished. Despite being 28 and having had a decade of amazing life experiences, I still had never held a steady job which would support me and pay the rent, and I had only just graduated college. I still felt young because all of life seemed to still be ahead of me. I certainly didn't feel or act 28.

It was in 1988 that I entered a relationship with an 18-year-old -- a relationship which felt right finally. I thought it was love but it turned out to be just another confused kid who was just perhaps a bit more confused than I was considering that he was about to start college and I had just finished.

After that failed attempt at a relationship, I really felt like there was no future for me in Arkansas. My best friend had just moved to Denver and I had stayed behind on account of this so-called love affair. When that crashed, I packed my bags and went to Denver in January, 1989. I got my first real job and started a new life.

Again, what seemed like a very long time was only about 18 months. I'd made new friends in Denver and one of them was planning a move to San Diego. She wasn't keen on making the move alone, and as I was always up for a new adventure, I agreed to move again. In the summer of 1990 I was on the road again, in a U-Haul towing an orange VW Beatle.

I was also up to my old tricks again, behaving like a rich adolescent by taking jobs I wanted to do as opposed to seriously going after employment which would support my lifestyle. I took a job as a cashier at San Diego State University. Almost all the employees were students at the school, and most of them were Dutch, oddly enough. I enjoyed it because it had that international feel which I had so enjoyed by working in London. But it was not sustainable.

Thankfully, in August of 1990, something really amazing happened one night at a club. I met txrad and this time being "in love" actually meant something. It was mutual, and real. And suddenly my life wasn't just about me. I no longer could just pack up and move anywhere on a whim.

I still had the Los Angeles itch dating back to when I left London and chose LA as my next destination and home. So txrad and I agreed that I would move to LA and as soon as I found a "real" job, I'd get an apartment we could afford and he would join me. That's exactly how it played out. By April, 1991 I had achieved my desire of having work and an apartment in Los Angeles, and a partner in love. At the age of 30.99, real life had begun finally.

I'm not sure what it is about approaching 50 which has caused me to reflect back on my life and the concept of time. Three years now seems like a complete and total blur. A couple of cats have died and I've changed jobs a couple of times. Nothing at all like the three years between 1988 and 1991 when I went from being a single horny boy constantly on the move to a man embarking on a career in advertising with a permanent spouse.

My 30s were all about working and living in Los Angeles, getting pay raises and bonuses, and having a dream of buying a house. We did that late in 1995 or early 1996. And we adopted our first cat. Then an opportunity arose here in Austin and we sold our house in LA barely a year after moving in, and we moved to Texas and bought a house. Twelve years have passed and we are still in the same house and loving it. Often I have to pinch myself to believe that I've been with the same man and the same career for 19 years. That's longer than it took me to reach high school graduation from the point of my birth! How did I do it? And what comes next?

One thing is different about approaching 50 than any of the other age markers. There's no longer a feeling of just starting out. I no longer have this concept of a wide open life ahead of me full of possibilities and wonder.

I no longer speak of the "next job." Frankly, I'm happy doing what I do. And it is entirely conceivable I could do it another 10 or 12 years and then retire. The notion that I might never have to update my resume again, or go on a job interview, is pleasurable, but a strange concept with a dark lining.

That experience at 22 of losing my father was just a taste of what was to come decades later. Now I'm no longer "too young" to lose relatives and friends. Along the way I've lost some of both. But now at 50, I'm starting to wonder, is it all about coming to terms with mortality? Is that what 50 means?

My mother is in her mid-80s and has already broken a hip. My brother is in his 60s. I have aunts and uncles in their 70s and 80s. Pretty soon it's going to be a non-stop parade of funerals. Then one day I'm going to wake up and realize it's just me now. There will be no brother, no mother or father or grandparents, just me. And that's if I'm lucky enough to be the last man standing.

Perhaps 50 is a wake-up call to slow down and savor life instead of rushing through it. After all, if I'm shocked that I will have been in a relationship and a steady career for 20 years on my 50th birthday, and amazed that it passed so quickly, the math in projecting the future isn't very appealing. When this short cycle passes again, I will be writing a blog post about the horrors of being 70. And that's rather disturbing. I hope I can at least manage to get the bathrooms cleaned a couple of times between now and then!

It's as if, in my brain, I hit the pause button on aging in 1988 and still think and behave as if I'm 28...which actually means I'm thinking and behaving as if I'm 20! When I stumble across a photo of me from the 80s and 90s, I ask myself, "who WAS that guy?" And when I see a current photo of myself I ask, "who IS that guy?" I just don't see myself as nearly 50 until I see past and current photographs for comparison. Gone are the days when I will go back to college, work in a book store or a record store, buy a youth rail pass in Europe and hang out for nine weeks, have a fling with an 18-year-old, or move from one city to another every year or so. Also gone are the days of sleeping on a futon, but that's a good thing!

I am settled. That realization might indicate the time has come to unpause and hit the fast-forward button to reality. But on second thought, I might put that off until April, 2010. There's no point in rushing into it. That gives me time to work out a couple of kinks before I can cut loose and stick it deep inside.

>>>

play. loud.

Hey, I'm not as old as him!

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.

-- Woody Allen

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

-- Woody Allen (again)

House Passes Bipartisan Health Reform Bill

Sort of. If you can count one Republican vote in favor.

After months of acrimonious partisanship, Democrats closed ranks on a 220-215 vote that included 39 defections, mostly from the party's conservative ranks. But the bill attracted a surprise Republican convert: Rep. Anh "Joseph" Cao of Louisiana, who represents the Democratic-leaning district of New Orleans and had been the target of a last-minute White House lobbying campaign. GOP House leaders had predicted their members would unanimously oppose the bill.

Naturally the 220-215 vote didn't come without a hitch.

Down one floor, in her office, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi desperately tried to deal with an issue that has bedeviled Democrats for more than a generation — abortion.

After hours of heated talks, the people she was trying to convince — some of her closest allies — burst angrily out of her office.

Her attempts at winning them over had failed, and Ms. Pelosi, the first woman speaker and an ardent defender of abortion rights, had no choice but to do the unthinkable. To save the health care bill she had to give in to abortion opponents in her party and allow them to propose tight restrictions barring any insurance plan that is purchased with government subsidies from covering abortions.

On a positive note, Representative Jim McDermott, Democrat of Washington, slipped in a little gem.

Lower taxes for gay couples who receive health benefits from employers. Nutrition labeling requirements for snack food sold in vending machines and many restaurants. A new program to teach parents how to interact with their children.

[...]

Supporters of gay rights have long been trying to change the tax treatment of health benefits provided by employers to the domestic partners of their employees. In effect, such benefits are now treated as taxable income for the employee, and the employer may owe payroll taxes on their fair-market value.

Under the bill, such benefits would be tax-free, just like health benefits provided to the family of an employee married to a person of the opposite sex.

The health care bill now goes back to the Senate. We'll see how they grind it up before voting. We appear to be moving forward... with something.

Question of the Day

This is for the ladies out there.

Would you have given birth to any of Ike Turner's children, and if so, why?

Not so Great Compromiser

Many people voted for Barack Obama because his predecessor was an incompetent moron, and they bought into the idea Obama would bring much needed change into federal politics. W had been at the helm as the US was attacked on 9/11, had started two wars resulting in tens of thousands of deaths, sanctioned torture, opened concentration camps, allowed the constitution to be shredded, spied on his citizens, attempted to appoint his cleaning lady to the supreme court, and as a finishing touch, managed to all but bankrupt the nation. Choosing living fossil, John McCain and the rustic and ridiculous Sarah Palin as the Republican candidates all but handed Obama the victory in 2008.

Well it is November of 2009, one year since the presidential election, 11 months into Obama’s presidency and most of the promised changes have not materialized, nor does it appear, will they. Even if one concedes that many of the problems with bringing about change have been the result of a congress that is filled with members owned by lobbyists, including douche bags in the Democratic party such as Blanche Lincoln and Mike Ross, the last eleven months have been filled with compromise and defeat. The most disturbing and disappointing part of the Obama presidency to date are the things he could have done without any congressional interference. He could have, with a presidential order, put an end to the don’t ask/don’t tell farce. He could have ended the war in Afghanistan, or at least began winding it down instead of hemming and hawing on troop numbers, making him appear indecisive, and on a purely cynical note, giving the Republican spin machine the gift of shifting ownership of the war from the son of a bitch Bush to Obama.

His appointments to very important positions within the government and the military have been equally puzzling and disappointing. Timothy Geithner is a tax cheat and is now in charge of finances for the country? General Stanley A. McChrystal, who orchestrated the Pat Tillman friendly fire cover up by approving a press release that he knew was false can be trusted to run the war in Afghanistan? Janet Napolitano, who did almost nothing to stem illegal immigration as Arizona Governor, is chosen to head Homeland Security?

His decision to not pursue criminal prosecution of those who approved and committed torture in the Bush administration is not just disappointing, it is itself criminal. Rather than face criticism and feigned outrage from the Republicans who allowed atrocities to be carried out in the name of the USA, Obama has chosen to become an accessory after the fact. Obama seems to be a man who does not have one principle he will not compromise. He continued to hand out money to banks and businesses that through no fault of the taxpayers whose money they were given, mismanaged themselves into positions of bankruptcy. When he should have been demanding a public option in health care reform, he remained all but silent, as if any health care bill would mean a victory for him, regardless if it actually provided relief to the millions of US citizens without coverage, or just meant more money for insurance companies. The photo op when some watered down compromise filled piece of shit legislation stuffed with pork for already well fed insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies is signed in the Rose Garden seems much more valuable to Obama than fighting for real change that will improve life for millions. Many of those millions, it should be noted voted for Obama, hoping for change that would improve their lives.

When necessary, compromise is a useful tool in negotiation. “When necessary” is the key phrase here. You don’t start negotiating, especially when you have all the numbers in your favor, by offering up compromise. You only do this when you either are lying about what you really want to achieve, or do not believe it is worth fighting for in the first place. Either way Obama is being either disingenuous or weak, and either way he has lost many supporters, and is on his way to becoming a one term president.

Granted, eleven months are less than a quarter of his term as president, and there is a long way to go, but the first year of a presidency is, arguably, the only opportunity for any change to occur. After this it is mid term elections, followed by the run up to 2012. With congressmen and senators more interested in raising money and preserving votes for the next few years than supporting anything “controversial” that may actually improve things it is doubtful any legislation heralding substantive change will ever see the light of day.

During the 2008 election campaign Barack endured the slurs of fools and Republicans. He was called a ”secret” Muslim, a communist sympathizer; he was accused of hanging out with terrorists. Honestly, the idiots who said these things and worse probably garnered as many votes for Obama as did convince rational people not to vote for him. It is very disheartening, and monumentally disappointing that it appears Barack Obama has managed to not only lose the support of many who defended him and ultimately helped elect him, but provided ample evidence that there are many very real weaknesses that will preclude many the option of voting for him again in 2012

Friday Pussy Blog: Cat Camouflage Edition

You would think, since I had the day off I could have done more posting, and gotten the pussy blog posted earlier. But no, I am a man of tradition and 5pm is usually the time.

Sissy was in her favorite chair, blending in.

Cute hairy cat feet.

This the first time I've managed to get a photo of her "button finger." Sissy is a polydactyl with the extra "thumb" claw. One of hers actually grows in a circle. I've never seen anything quite like it, nor have I been able to get a photo of it before now. I'm quite happy! Normally when I try to touch it she pulls away unless she's VERY relaxed. You can also see it in the top photo on the paw against the arm of the chair.

Sweet Pea was not very camouflaged. The odd one out.

Tiger blending into his chair, and looking quite chipper for a 100-year-old cat.

Lastly, the Tater Tot on travertine tiles.

The big boy is coming to get me!

Happy Friday!

A Billion Per Thousand

This little snippet below, highlighted in red, caught my notice this morning in the New York Times.

Representative John Murtha, the Pennsylvania Democrat who is chairman of the House appropriations defense subcommittee, cited $40 billion last week as a hypothetical amount for the supplemental financing request. The number represented a standard calculation of $1 billion for every 1,000 troops deployed.

And people say a health care public option is too expensive? Sweet Jesus.

Let's put this in perspective. My hometown in Arkansas needs some help. Seriously. With around 4,000 residents, a Pentagon war budget would get them about $4 billion.

They could build a subway line through town out to the Wal-Mart. And riding it could be free. With what was leftover, they could build everyone in town a new house and provide free medical care and free groceries from the Socialist Supermarket. And I think there would still be enough to provide everyone a car, with a complimentary tank of gas every month, not that they'd need THAT much help, with the subway and all.

But the important thing to remember is that situations in the US are fine and dandy. No one really needs any help. We have no infrastructure needs, everyone has access to transportation to get where they need to go, health care costs are completely reasonable, and no one goes hungry.